This is one of the weirder blogs I will write. Stick with me here: my mundane revelation may be odd, but it needs to be written down.
I am one of those people who has a crippling fear of letting people into my mind. I deliberate before I speak, analyzing words for appropriateness and accuracy before I allow them to roll off my tongue. There’s a reason for this and it has nothing to do with my considerate nature.
At the end of the day, I am a weirdo. I think I am weirder than other people. I fear my mind is a scary place, filled with bizarre thoughts and questionable opinions and likes. And yet, I am curious. I am always looking for new ways to compare the gibberish stored in my head to what’s in the head of normal people (others beside me).
I have always used the Internet, but this was the year of the search engine for me. It was the year when my reliance on search engines and answer sites became a habit. I became addicted to satisfying my curiosity by typing every peculiar thought that pops into my head into a search engine to see the results. I even do this at odd hours of night, sometimes I literally leave my sleep, fearing that if I don’t find an immediate answer, I may forget that quirky question and it’ll haunt me.
But, this isn’t a post about my obsessive habit of search engine overuse. This is a post about the discovery I made while using search engines. I realized, thanks to that ‘auto-complete’ feature in search engines, that my thoughts are not as unique, creepy or idiotic as I once believed. I have been pleasantly surprised to find out I am not the only one who wonders about what the Hanging Gardens looked like or whether “Neetha,” a name mentioned in a little read novel, refers to a real African tribe. I am not the only one who wants to know what an ovarian cyst looks like. Nor am I the only one who uses search engines to help me spell words.
It seems some of the creepiest and most embarrassing thoughts I can think of (many of which I am not writing here) are quite similar to those found in the heads of random people. The thousands of hits ‘auto-complete’ brings up to help me find answers is evidence of this.
I feel better about the revelation because I won’t have to question without knowing if someone out there has a creepier mind than I have. All I have to do is hint at a word in a search engine and I’ll know how many other people have the same inkling.