My Strange Relationship With Black Men

There’s something intellectual about Chiwetel Ejiofor that I do like

I’m not much a romantic but I am a bit of a nerd, dork or socially indifferent black girl. What I mean is that I don’t fit into any of the black stereotypes/archetypes much. I am somewhat strange. In high school, I was never black enough for the black people, but not white enough for my white classmates who would just stare at me strangely, if I attempted to relate to them by commenting on any topic they think I shouldn’t know anything about because I am black (Scottish accents, Das Boot, Bon Jovi). I wasn’t much into basketball or Hip Hop, and apparently, I sound white, so it didn’t work for me with the black folks (FYI: I do have black friends). I also didn’t wear the latest designer duds, choosing instead to shop at vintage stores.

 If you’re to say something about the taste of black men when it comes to women, it’s that black men like thick women, light-skinned women, and they don’t care about intelligence in women; although, success is a different story. I am not thick, but petite, and I am not light-skinned. I am slightly lighter than Naomi Campbell.  But worse. I like Star Trek. My favorite TV show is Big Bang Theory, loved Lost. I may occasionally read theoretical physics textbooks for fun. I do read plenty of books, period.
None of this appeal to many black men.
Moreover, the black men I am into don’t seem to be highly represented among black men in general. I often hear many black women talk about the “swagger” of black men. But, I interpret swagger as arrogance, and I hate arrogance. Cocky black athletes and rappers, particularly, annoy me. I  don’t like the way they talk, walk or dress. I hate cornrows on grown men, and baggy pants repulse me.  
I despise this look on black men:

But, I am not a fan of this look either:

You’re probably wondering what’s wrong with Soulja Boy. He looks dashing, doesn’t he? Not to me. I hate the earrings, the sunglasses (at night), and the ostentatious jewelry. It makes him look like a jackass. But, for some reason, black men generally like wearing earrings and sunglasses at night with jeans hanging off their hips and sneakers. It’s uninspiring. I may be bias, seeing as though plenty of black women find this look hot.

Who am I into?

 I am into the boy-next-door types, especially if they’re intelligent (see:  IT guys; engineers or Spock). The type of men I am into seem to be found among Middle Eastern, South Asian and East Asian types in abundance. And when I find black dudes who fit this type, they’re usually not into black girls or gay.  It sucks that not many black dudes are like this type. Instead, I am usually stuck with the wannabe thugs, real thugs, metrosexual or generic pretty boys ( above), and the devoutly religious types which I find somewhat simple-minded–not that they’re not intelligent, but their religion inhibits complex discussions about meaningful things, and Jesus is always on the tip of their tongues.

That’s my relationship with black men. What I don’t like about them, I’ll repeat: swagger, cockiness, arrogance, thuggishness, obsession with vanity, shallowness (chasing thick black women, for example). My overall indifference just seems to come from the fact that I just don’t think many black men appreciate my type. I am different than most black girls. It’s rare to find a black girl who’s a self-proclaimed nerd, for example. However, I am not a romantic, and have never been into obsessing about romance/dating (well, maybe when I was younger), so I think black men and I will continue to have a mutually indifferent relationship–unless a black Spock will come by soon. Hello, Obama:


About TCDH

Blogger with an opinion.
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6 Responses to My Strange Relationship With Black Men

  1. Y says:

    Haha, are you my long lost twin. I have similar tastes as you. Boy next door, low-key guys are the sexiest. Love that type. I dont have anything against Black Guys Im just indifferent when it comes to them. I dont think its a good or bad thing, but Im not to hung up on BM, in aggregate.

    The things that women generally like about black men are just things Im not interested in. Many women say black guys swagger, charisma, ect is what makes them sexy. This may be true but those are not things Im particularly interested in when it comes to boyfriends ect.

  2. Not that I'm into guys, but… I figure it's nice for a guy to have just a leetle bit of swagger, but not too much. And it has to be confidence that comes out of actual competence and ability. Guys like Soulja Boy are different; it just seems like a generic form of overconfidence for its own sake, a “hey look at me” approach to life.

    Since we are all animals, the stereotypical flashy black guy that Mel describes reminds me of the mating strategies of peacocks and birds of paradise. In that sense I can see how it appeals to a lot of women; it's a way of broadcasting to the world that “I am top dog!”

    But as Y says, that image doesn't really promise much in the way of the security and dependability aspects that most women want in a partner.

  3. Mel says:

    @Eurasian Sensation. Swagger is not the same as confidence. Confidence is okay, but for whatever reason, when I think of swagger, I think of boastfulness.

    I like confidence, but not swagger.

  4. saavikjv says:

    I think we're related. I am a bit of a nerd, but more romantic. Although I've given up on romance.

  5. a.p. says:

    How much of a hypocrite are you? Calling black men shallow for “chasing thick women” yet you're chasing Spock look alikes. not once did you mention anything about how a man treats you. Hmm … being picky about clothes and hobbies are more important, right?

  6. Mel says:

    @ a.p.

    I am not a hypocrite. You obviously do not get what the “Spock lookalikes” stand for: intellect, or an appreciation for it.

    Your clothes and hobbies(for many of these men, rap isn't a hobby, but a career aspiration), say much about your character.

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